I reckon the zillions of words written in praise of freedom are way over the top. You see, the main problem with freedom is that it promotes choices - and many of us can't hack having to make the decisions.

Take women. They're off to a function. What colours? What dress? What jacket, shoes and other accessories? Serious, gut-wrenching decisions.

But hark back to Chairman Mao and his Red China. No such problems. All the women in the same blue/grey material. So, no snide comments, no feelings of inferiority. And the other positive: instead of a few metres of this and that the State made up millions of metres of the same. So, economy of scale equated to dirt cheap clothing.

The four women in my ménage have grown to respect the merit of my views on freedom. So I provide all their clothing - simple one-piece zip-up tracksuits in my favourite colour, lavender. So, no choices, no jealousy, no tensions.

And it's the same with food. Three regular meals per day, all of baked beans on toast. Again, none of the tensions created by choice.

And so with sex. We operate a roster system so each woman knows when she can come to my bed. Simple. No female arguments.

Well, these simple illustrations prove conclusively that life without freedom avoids all the hassles engendered by choice. Now I must hurry home to ensure my four darlings are snugly locked up for the night in their matching yellow and black cages.

Ross Duffy

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